Choosing friends
Have you ever wondered why you have the friends you have? Choosing friends is much like choosing a spouse, right? I met my husband 12+ years ago and he’s independent, confident, strong, funny, handsome, etc- an all around stellar pick. Every friend I had (up to about 3 years ago) has been nothing like him- I always chose needy, crazy, clingy, needy, down-on-their luck, baaaad, mis-behaving, crazy, strange people to be my friends. My mother and my (now) husband always warned me about the friends I made and they were almost always right- I’m a “fixer” (isn’t that what you said fellowtwinmom?) and a “helper” and it’s exhausting. I was taken advantage of, walked on, dumped on, and basically used by my friends for years and I’m not sure why I kept up the cycle. I had perfectly normal friends until I went to private school in 5th grade and now I have wonderful, insightful, delightful, confident, beautiful friends and I wonder why they want to be my friends…I feel so lucky it’s absurd.
I seem to have totally cut out my needy friends since the twins arrived- partly due to exhaustion on my part and partly due to the fact that I wasn’t helping them so they stopped calling! I love my new friends and I feel so much healthier about my relationships.
What are your friends like? Do you set yourself up for abuse and take it?
Maren said,
July 19, 2008 at 4:10 am
I’m jealous – my crappy friends are still around and now they’re even more needy and self involved since I’ve had twins. I consistently choose the wrong girlfriends, but (like you) I chose the right guy. Good thing, because I can’t do this twin thing without a lot of help! OH, how I want to SLEEP!
Janete said,
July 25, 2008 at 4:28 am
i’ve been so fortunate in this department!!! i’ve been blessed with some of the best people to be my friends! i’ve NEVER had a TON of friends, like some people do…i’ve always had just a small circle of good friends. through highschool i had about a handfull of close friends (unfortunately i haven’t kept in touch with them). and in college i had a great group of christian friends that i truly love! and then when i went back for a second degree LOL…i met a small group of friends who we still see regularly (we were called the 3 musketeers b/c we were always together). and now!!! i’ve found a small group of twin mommy friends and a few moms from the moms group that i’ve really clicked with and LOVE LOVE spending time and talking with!! i’m so glad that you’ve gotten into a much more healther friend relationship now!! you really don’t need that kind of hassle and stress!!
Fellowtwinmom said,
July 26, 2008 at 12:38 am
I don’t even know how to begin to answer this. Having relocated so many times, I have many different friends. I seem to leave each place with 2 friends that I keep in touch with. Not sure why that is but it is often how it happens. From college there are 7 of us who still keep in touch regularly. I have so many memories with these ladies.We’ve known each other about 17 years which means we have seen each other through pledging our sorority, boyfriends, fiances, weddings, babies, first days of preschool and so on BUT they aren’t here for the day to day of my life which makes our relationship mainly via phone, email, weddings and girls’ weekends of which we don’t have enough!!
Locally, I have a wonderful group of friends and support.I have friends I have known since 1997 and friends I just met a few months ago. All of which are very important part in my life. I have certain friends who I can count on for certain things. I have the friends who I can call when I need to vent, those I know will take Aidan when I am on the verge of pulling my hair out, those who get what a struggle twins can be, some who I can talk about God, life and faith with and those that I could talk about absolutely anything with. I am someone who always has room in my life for more friends. I think friends are what make life interesting and help me grow as a mom, person, wife and friend.
In terms of abuse, I have one friend who recently made me a target of her nasty comments. She was going through a lot (dh was gone, stressed with life, yada yada yada) and so I took it and took it and took it. Until about a week ago when my not so nice self reared her ugly head and gave her a very sarcastic biting response which she didn’t take all that kindly. At any rate, I usually went for the nasty, needy boyfriends until I met Ian…but I will talk about that on your other entry