Selftraining’s Weblog

When I am with my boys I am a mother…

My twins are 6 months old today!  When I am with them everything seems perfect.  When the four of us are together we are a regular picket fence family BUT, when I go to work…well, here’s the thing, I don’t always feel like a mother.  Is that normal?

When I am deep in a project or doing one of my 3.5 hour call blitzes, I don’t think of the babies.  I morph back into my old self…is that normal?  Should I feel like a mother all the time or is it ok to feel like just me every now and then.

The other night I had the best time with 3 other twin mommies.  We went out to dinner downtown and chatted for a couple hours- mostly about our babies but about other things too.  I had so much fun and I felt like myself again even though conversation swirled around the fact that we all have children.  I felt almost giddy as I mentally skipped back to my car and back to my house full of motherhood…so here’s an epiphany….perhaps being a mother and being “myself” are starting to merge into one…or perhaps I make zero sense because it’s been another sleepless night.

In other news…last count had me down 72 pounds….still holding out for the big 75!

What is dinner like in your house? 

When I was growing up, we had every meal together (as a family) at the kitchen or dining room table.  We set the table, brought the food, said grace…the whole 9 yards.  Then we sat and discussed the day, the news, the weather, etc.  The candles were lit at dinner time.  It was a wonderful time for us and I am so grateful that my parents were so strict about always eating together- it made us a stronger family.

Now, 12 years into our relationship and 5 years married, I almost always get my husband to the table for dinner.  In the summer (when it’s not too hot) we eat on the deck.  The table is never set before dinner.  There are rarely napkins on the table. The candles are lit 10-20x out of 365- mostly the citronella torches when needed.  Prior to the babies we would talk about our day, the news, the weather, etc.  Now, we don’t talk- we eat as fast as we can to make sure we have a chance to eat before the babies start crying- rarely stopping to breathe.

Last night was different- it was wonderful!  The babies were asleep and it was about 8:30pm before dinner was ready.  We were talking and my husband asked a question- “You are on a deserted island for the rest of your life- what food type do you choose?”  Being the questioner myself I said “As in ‘vegetables’ or ‘corn’?”  Then the questions continued for 20+ minutes and we were laughing the whole time.

You have to choose one for the rest of your life and the other item will never exist again:

Rice or soybeans

Vegetables or meat

Trees or grass

Doors or windows

Cars or planes

Milk or alcohol

Sand or wind

Men or women- If you are a man and you choose women, you’d be the only man in the whole world. Would you be treated as a king or a servant? Would you survive even 10 seconds?

So, what are dinners like at your house?  Do you have any entertaining ideas for me?

(Sorry I’ve been MIA…just tired)

Fear seems to have entered my life with a vengeance.  Two weeks ago someone broke into our backyard (through 2 locks) and stole my husbands bike.  The back gate was left open and my dogs could have run off!  Luckily, every morning my husband follows them down to make sure they do there business outside rather than inside by the doggie door.  Yep, we have a doggie door that stays open and our dogs are ~45 pounds each sooooo a child could fit through (or a small criminal I suppose).  My husband had the police at our door in 15minutes to file a report and survey any damage.

Our back gate is now sealed with a short chain and padlock.  Our fear is more related to the dogs getting out and getting hit by a car than losing a bike.  We close the doggie door each night now.  We changed the locks on the back door so that it requires a key to unlock from inside and outside.

Earlier this week there was a man at the door- he rang the doorbell- I ignored him.  I had just gotten one baby to sleep and was rocking the other, it was around 5pm (nap time).  I NEVER answer the door AND I have a sign up that reads “No solicitors, DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL unless you are FedEx/UPS.”  My neighbors all have my number and they know to call first.  When the doorbell is rung my dogs go completely nuts which now wakes up the babies.  After 1minute he just started pushing the doorbell- 3 rings in 2 seconds probably.  Now I decided there must be an emergency so I ran to the door with a baby in tow.  I opened the door to a worthless piece of #$%$# trying to give me a raffle ticket for free groceries.  It was a scam to collect my personal information.  I pointed to the sign and asked him to read it.  He said he hadn’t seen it- it’s right beside the doorbell and in bold red letters.  I said, “Read it”….he said “I’m not soliciting….blah blah raffle blah” I said ” It is against the law to solicit here” He said “No it isn’t! I have a certificate to solicit.”  He was raising his voice at me and started to make me super nervous. I told him to get off my property and closed the door in his face with him still yelling at me.  A quick call to two neighbors told me that they’d had the same experience and one was so scared she’d gotten her gun and was now wearing it on her pants.  She’d seen him take off in a shiny black Navigator with a driver…like a getaway car!

Fast forward 2 days. I’m cooking, hubby is watching TV, babies are finally asleep. HUGE CRASH at the front of the house.  I take off towards the nursery, there’s no way the babies could have gotten out of the cribs!  Hubby runs to the front window.  A group of our local teenagers are playing football in the street again and have just slammed the ball into our garage door.  Hubby goes out to investigate and gets nearly accosted by the kids! They are talking back to him and saying “it’s no big deal blah blah blah.” Hubby is pissed! The confrontation gets heated until one of the kids realizes they should leave and gets the bad kid to get out of my husband’s face.

Why is all of this happening now? Is it the economy?  We live in a nice neighborhood (all houses less than 4 years old) but I have noticed many houses for sale stating “bank owned” which tells me they are foreclosures…is my neighborhood destined to become a “bad area?”  Have you noticed any changes in your area that might be due to the economy?