Selftraining’s Weblog

I went out of my way to cheer up my husband.  I planned a “playdate” for him- something I’d love the opportunity to do…

I scheduled a massage for him after work and called his friends and got them to invite him out for the night & to stay night with one of them so he could sleep all night and sleep in as late as he wanted.

Here’s the deal…his dad is dying.  He’s been working half days and taking care of his dad (doc visits, etc) the rest of the time- including spending nights.  On the weekends he’s at home with us- but he’s never really home- he’s on the phone with other caregivers or stressed about current circumstances.

My plan was to make sure he was actually home this weekend- that he was relaxed and happy and had positive stories to share with us.  I wanted him to have patience with the babies and really play with them.  We planned to take them to have their photos done with Santa- this will be their first Christmas.  I made chili & cookies this morning…I stayed up late putting the Christmas tree up last night so we  could decorate it together tonight.  Everything was set for a regular “Martha Stewart” day until my dreams exploded with one call.

I called to check on him this morning- he wasn’t at the promised location…fine, I wasn’t going to call his cell until noon because I didn’t want to wake him.  At 11:45am he called (voicemail because I was feeding the babies) to tell me he’d been taking care of his dad this morning and that there were many tasks to do and then he’d be home late afternoon. I was crushed. All plans ruined.

I felt like dumping the chili in the trash, throwing the cookies off the porch and screaming.  I cried. I actually sobbed in front of my babies.  I never have energy to cry anymore…but I had such high hopes for a great day after so many gloomy ones.

Before anyone judges me…I’ve been unbelievably understanding these last 2 months. I’ve managed the babies alone more often than not. I’ve had the worst month at work in my entire career due mainly to the massive layoffs.  I’ve done all the household chores- all of them! I’ve had very little rest with working until midnight many nights after putting the babies to sleep. I’ve championed many sleepless nights with sick babies.  BUT, now I’m tired. I want something to go my way. I want a happy husband. I want a break.